This time of year is full of joy, cheer, and stress. Let's face it - as a parent some of the magic of the holiday season is clouded by the stress associated with making it all happen. It is okay to feel this way, and it is okay to admit it. Parents across the state are sharing with us that they are feeling burnt-out, over extended, physically exhausted, and stressed about the financial aspect of celebrating the holidays.
If you too are feeling this way, you're not alone, and we want to help! We know it is easier said than done but we think parents should enjoy the holiday season too. Below are the top 5 tips to help you prevent holiday season burnout while making sure that you too are enjoying the season!
1 Set Realistic Expectations
One of the biggest things we are hearing from parents that is contributing to their holiday burnout is the pressure. The pressure to be the perfect parent, have the perfectly decorated house, have all of the baked goods made from scratch and make sure you purchase the most coveted gifts. This pressure to be the perfect parent may be something that you feel all year long but it seems to really amp up during the holiday season and that can cause a lot of parents to spread themselves too thin.
The pressure you're putting on yourself could be doing the opposite of what you are trying to achieve. Your kids don't want to remember their childhood holidays sitting at a gorgeous dinner table with you stressed out in the other room trying to get more things on your to do list done. They want to spend time with you and they want you to be engaged, relaxed, and having fun.
Take a look at what you and your family do in a typical holiday season. Is there anything that causes more stress than it's worth? Maybe the family Christmas card is great in theory but coordinating it is a nightmare and you know some of your family just throws them out anyway. Could that be skipped this year to save you some sanity? Is there anything else that's not really worth the stress it causes?
We encourage you to do an inventory of your holiday traditions and keep the ones that are the most memorable, special, and fun. If anything comes to mind as overly stressful but not a crowd favorite maybe it can be skipped this year. Don't feel like you have to do something just because you've done it in the past.
Communicate with your family in an age appropriate way what will be happening and what might not be. Get their input on what their favorite traditions are and set their expectations if there is something you will be skipping.
2 Check in with yourself
The holidays have this way shining a light on things that can make us sad. For many the joy of the holiday season is also mixed with confusing and difficult emotions. You may be missing a loved one who used to make the holiday season special and now having a hard time finding any joy in the traditions at all. You may be worried about your child and wishing that they were more interested in spending time as a family. You might be comparing yourself and your family to other families and wondering why it seems like they have everything figured out and you don't.
You can't pour from an empty cup and that applies to your emotional cup too. You can't be the leader of joy this holiday season if you are not checking in with yourself and making sure that you are doing okay.
It is absolutely not selfish for you to prioritize your emotions right now, and it will help you feel less burnt-out if you do so. We know as a parent it can be hard to get a moment to yourself but we encourage you to take them. If you need to put on your grandmas favorite song and cry in the Starbucks parking lot to get it out - do it! If you would feel better journaling about your worries for your child and how the holiday season is making it more difficult for you - carve out the time and do it.
Do an honest and real check in with yourself about how this holiday season is for you emotionally and if needed prioritize taking care of yourself. Again, this will ultimately help you be more present for the remainder of the holiday season if you stop shoving your needs down and address them.
3 Celebrate small traditions and wins
Not everything has to be a big production this holiday season. Could you opt for a cozy holiday movie night instead of going to the crowded Christmas light display you usually go to? Do the cinnamon rolls that come in a tube with red and green sprinkles feel just as festive to your kids as homemade cookies that you stayed up all night making?
These small, intimate traditions are what your children are going to remember most. I don't remember holiday parties or fancy dinners quite as fondly as I remember Chinese takeout on Christmas Eve night and my mom finally getting to kick her feet up for a second to hang out and joke around with us.
As for the wins - celebrate absolutely everything! The holidays feels like a never-ending to do list so celebrate all the wins along. Did you have a family dinner where there was only one meltdown and it was minor? That's a win. Did you get out of your mother in laws house with only one comment that made you want to roll your eyes? Realize everything that you are accomplishing and pat yourself on the back.
4 Know what to do if something does trigger you
As we have said throughout the whole article - this time of year is a lot. You may be stressed, sad, happy, overwhelmed and so much more. If you do get triggered by an overly stressful family gathering, a commercial that reminds you of a loved on who's not with you this season, or get unsolicited parenting advice from extended family, it can be helpful to have a plan of action.
What can you do in a moment where you are triggered and having trouble thinking straight? What is going to help you pause and recenter yourself? An Emotional Safety Plan can help! This quick and easy activity can be done solo or with the entire family, and the best part is it's 100% customizable to you!
All you have to do is think of the things you love to do the most. What relaxes you? What makes you feel at peace? Is it trashy reality tv and an iced coffee? Is it making a fresh cup of tea? Is it a phone call to your sister? Maybe a drive with loud music? Whatever it is that helps you calm down is perfect to add to your Emotional Safety Plan!
To learn more about what an Emotional Safety Plan is and how you could create your very own today click here!
5 Give yourself some grace
We're sounding like a broken record over here - but this time of year is not easy for parents. Everything is so expensive, it feels like your to do list never shrinks and the unsolicited parenting advice might be through the roof.
Give yourself some grace as you navigate the holiday season this year. You're not perfect and neither is anyone else. You have no idea what is going on behind the closed doors of the families you think "have it all figured out." Take it easy on yourself and don't add to the pressure you are already feeling. You're doing awesome.
If you are having trouble figuring out a holiday plan that works for your family give one of our Family Support Partners a call at 570-664-8615 (or click here to book a time to talk). This one on one peer support service can help you figure out how to navigate the holidays with as much ease as possible! Talking with an FSP in Pennsylvania is free and confidential!