Parenting can often be isolating, especially when raising a child who struggles with their mental health. This is made even more complicated when your child is a member of the LGBTQ+ community and you have to worry about the outside factors that could negatively contribute to your child's mental health too.
You don't have to be in this alone. Our Family Support Partners (FSPs) are here, and they want to help.
To better show how working with an FSP can be an asset to you and your family check out our new segment - Ask an FSP! You will get a sneak peak into the real life challenges that families are facing across the state and how peer support can help these families address, understand, and navigate them.
"My child came out to me last month and I didn't react poorly, but I was very caught off guard. I could sense that he was kind of let down about my reaction, but we gave each other a hug and went about our days.
We haven't talked about it since, and he has seemed distant and disengaged in what he once was interested in. I am worried he could be depressed.
Honestly, I still feel a little bit weird about the whole thing and that makes me feel guilty. It was just not what I expected and now I am scared I'll say the wrong thing and push him even further away. What should I do now?"
"First of all - I want to commend you for not having an outburst of emotion when your son came out to you. That is the absolute worst thing you could have done and you didn’t do that, telling your son you loved him and hugging your child was great.
I want to encourage you to give yourself some grace right now. This was not what you expected and it is okay for you to have feelings and take time to process them.
In your head maybe you pictured and planned things a certain way. Things like wedding days and grandchildren and it is okay for you to take a second to catch your footing in this new reality. That does not make you a bad person or a bad mom. That makes you human.
Both you and your son are processing a lot of emotions right now and it's so important that you’re both given the space to do so. You don’t want to press in and complicate your child’s emotions with your own.
While you don’t want to push and force a conversation that you’re not ready for - you also should not let your son struggle with his mental health alone. When a child begins to isolate themselves and loses interest in what they once loved it is time to step in.
I want to remind you that while you just got a new piece to the puzzle - you know your child better than anybody. You know how he reacts to certain situations, and you can plan your approach accordingly.
Whether it’s a text while he’s in his room, a note you leave on his bed, a quick conversation in the kitchen, or a longer discussion in the car - I encourage you to check in on him. Not everything has changed. Whatever worked for you in the past to check in on him to make sure he was doing okay is the method I would use now too.
Tell him that you meant what you said - you love him. Tell him that he is so brave for coming out to you and you are so grateful that he shared this part of himself with you. Candidly let him know that you’re processing your own emotions and feelings as you navigate this but that doesn’t mean you’re not here for him. Remind him that your love is unconditional and that he will always be your baby.
Outside support for both you and your child could be so helpful right now. While a lot of emotions are being processed it can be helpful to have a safe place to do so.
I encourage you to find your son a therapist that has experience working with members of the LGBTQ+ community. By seeking out affirming care for your son your helping to give him the tools he needs to navigate this world that sometimes sucks for members of the LGBTQ+ community.
As for you I would encourage you to look into local support groups, virtual support groups, or even seeking out a therapist of your own. Your mental health matters too.
Like we said to this mom getting professional help for your child who is struggling with their mental health is always a good idea. Luckily, Pennsylvania has options for parents who are raising children in the LGBTQ+ community who struggle with their mental health.
If you are in the Philadelphia area and your child has experienced suicidal ideation, non-suicidal self-injury, or a past suicide attempt click here to learn more about working with the ASPIRE Center today.
If you’re not eligible to work with the ASPIRE Center – do not worry! Our friends at the PERSAD Center are based out of Pittsburgh and offer Telehealth anywhere in the state!